Third Wheel
It all started the summer before college, when both of my brothers brought their girlfriends on a family camping trip with my parents. I was excited to spend time with all of them, and only when I considered the seating arrangements did I notice something pointedly peculiar. Three folding loveseats and a single camp chair were arranged around the fire. There I learned to consider odd numbers the most awkward, at least in the whole of my experience, since literally and figuratively the single chair was for me.Since that time, I have had enough experience to be a licensed third-wheel driver. It doesn’t bother me too badly anymore, but a day like Sunday drove me once more to reflect on why it begins to tire my sanguine spirits. Two friends from different spheres of acquaintance have discovered one another and I was a close witness of the blossoming romance.
I used to think I was only uncomfortable because I was jealous. Now I am convinced that there are myriad other reasons that third-wheeling can be an exhausting job. Here are a few of them. (Disclaimer: Not all factors are operational in every instance. These are only common enough to be noticed with a reasonable level of experience.)
A third (fifth/seventh) wheel:
- cannot ever be sure quem is really wanted in the group or is merely an object of pity for good-hearted, well-meaning couples.
- always feels the possibility that queemy disappearance would be quite welcome.
- does not have anyone to talk to.
- must be constantly interested in everything in queemy environment just in case quem needs to have something to look at in the opposite direction.
- often possesses the only rational brain in the room.
- must always watch queemy seated position to make sure quem is not cutting off single seats in limited arrangements.
- is expected (and sometimes has no choice other than) to get along swimmingly with whatever fourth (sixth/eighth) wheel that happens to show up.
The couples I have witnessed have been, for the most part, dear friends who would never voluntarily have made me feel any of these things. Though some couples make it easier than others, I don’t think any of them can banish these necessities altogether. It’s just the way things have to be, and we habitual third wheels simply must learn how to deal with it graciously.
For me, it has been a trial and error system. But the Lord gives grace to help us consider others better and more important than ourselves; it’s the only treatment for the irritation that can develop from third-wheel syndrome. As for the exhaustion—well, we shall walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31).
posted by Lynn @ 9:32 AM
2 Comments:
i think i'm a square wheel when it comes to this odd-man-out business.
having been on both sides of that coin i understand very well what you are speaking of... and sadly i don't see there is a cure either. the best thing couples can do however, is remember what it was like when they themselves were a 3rd wheel and attempt to be more inclusive than ex. some succede more than others.
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